Matte lipstick = Minimum effort for maximum effect

GUCCI ROUGE À LÈVRES MAT LIPSTICK IN VANTINE FUCHSIA, £34

Lipstick, in my humble opinion, should always be matte. Pancake flat. Flocked as fuck. It’s just a personal preference, but really. There’s something about the light-absorbing power of powdery pigment that makes lips more, well, just more.

And why is this important for parenthood? Because it is the ultimate minimum effort for maximum effect. Minimum effort. MAXIMUM effect. Aka, you only need this one product and you will look more done than anyone else on your street.

Before I extol the virtues of the newest Gucci lipstick, consider how significant it is for this one to jump to the top of my charts. Since I work as a Beauty Director and am an out and proud matte lipstick lover, I have hundreds of them. You’d think by now I’d have found my perfect one - I always think I’ve found my perfect one, and then another one comes along that makes me fall off my chair.

This one I discovered pre-baby. I was at work, getting ready in a real hurry to go to my friend's city wedding drinks reception. I’d chucked on the most amazing Stella McCartney pink polka dot silk dress, hair messily tonged (messy is always OK when you’re wearing silk Stella McCartney), and my makeup was meh. Totally meh, as it tends to be by 6pm on a work day in the middle of December.

I’ve had a bag of Gucci Beauty newness on my desk waiting to be opened for about two weeks. (I know I know, how dare I have the audacity to leave something like that untouched? I’ve been quite busy!)

Argh. Pink, red, orange (my usual favourite for pink dresses), nude or brown? I never wear pink - too cutesy, but this one is like a super cool neon that is basically shouting at me to wear it. ‘GUCCI’ it says, in inimitable font stamped across the bullet. But ‘WEAR ME’ it yells, with it’s flocked texture and frankly audacious fluorescence. So arrogantly pink. So I put it on and that’s it. One swipe, I’m all yours. New favourite and quite honestly best matte lipstick I think I’ve ever tried. It’s so creamy! I don’t know how it dares be matte, but it’s perfectly flat. The pigment in the tube is the same pigment on the lips; so super bright, I could probably guide planes in to land, but I’m just going for some drinks in a dark bar, so instead I’ll let my friends easily pick me out in the crowd.

And then the test. A city wedding drinks reception is the ultimate lipstick test, no? So much kissing, so much drinking, so much smiling and sweating and crying. I got home at one in the morning with mascara as distressed as my liver, and neon pink matte lipstick fresh as the moment I put it on. Ok with red wine tint in the middle, but that’s not the lipsticks fault.